Can you feel all this sprung sexual energy in the air? It’s hard not to get excited as vaccinations are rolling out and lockdown restrictions are beginning to release their grip. You’re tired of being house-bound and looking to get leather-bound. I have been hearing from you, emails are sprouting and blooming in my inbox like all the multicolored tulips in Portland. But I gotta tell ya, we are not gonna be back to the races without some renewed considerations.
You may have been out of the game for a while or you are just starting to get into it. You watched that Netflix show with a dominatrix and now you want a taste. You're seeking adventure and new experiences and the low-light seduction of a dungeon and the calculated skills of an experienced domme. Here’s my advice on how to best approach pro-dommes after this intense pandemic year:
State your Covid status/safety practices right off the bat
When people write to me without even acknowledging Covid it is a red flag. They want to spend time with me in an enclosed space and they should acknowledge this elephant in the room. If you are vaccinated let us know. If you are high risk or live with someone high risk I would want to know that also. Be prepared to share your safety practices and get a test prior to the meeting if needed.
Be polite, patient, and gracious
Chances are if you are approaching a domme right now for live sessions, they have had a really tough year. We had to shut down our in-person business almost entirely for nearly a year and shift our focus to online sessions and content, which has been exhausting in a way that is hard to fully convey. You’ve also had a tough year so you understand this. Approach people professionally and with gratitude and you will have success in booking their time and building a lasting connection.
Do your research
Read our websites fully, don’t ask questions that are clearly answered on the website. I can’t tell you how many folks I have just plain ignored because it is clear to me they haven’t taken the time to look over the basics on my site. We spend a lot of time writing out the process for visiting us, so look it over and follow our lead. You want to submit and be submissive, yes? The first step is doing as we say on our websites, demonstrating that you can comply with our wishes and value our time and energy. This goes a long way to getting our attention and moving toward meeting.
Be wary and watch out for catfishers!
For your own safety, be wary of dommes without websites or a strong verifiable internet presence. Over the last year, I get multiple emails WEEKLY with people pointing out profiles that have stolen my images and are using them to scam folks online. I will be writing an entire blog about this soon. Unfortunately, this is very common and there is very little I can do about it. The main thing I will say about this now is: if it seems too good to be true it likely is. Pro-dommes are not cold messaging clients like this. These scammers will show up in your inbox on dating and social sites and start asking if you want to lick their shoes and it is bullshit so please, do your research. Be sure you are not falling prey to one of these assholes making me look like I have bad grammar and a murky understanding of consent.
Don’t balk at our hourly rates
This is a quick way to be ignored entirely. If you don’t understand why hourly rates are so high for this specialized luxury service, consider for a moment the amount of time and energy we put into every session, the prep and clean-up, interviewing and negotiation, years of skills building, gear acquisition, building a play space with high-quality fetish equipment, and most importantly: risk (both legal and personal). Recognize that it takes a lot for a domme to stand before you in her leather boots, essentially caretaking your fantasies and desires. Don’t balk at her rates. If seeing a professional is cost-prohibitive, take the time to meet someone online on Fetlife that you can play with, network, go to munches and events. Some good advice on how to do that is covered here in a webinar that Natasha Strange and I created: Come Correct.
Make a good impression
The best way to make a good impression, beyond composing a respectful email, is to show up for sessions on time (not early, not late), clean and put together. Bring a gift, even something small. Her favorite tea (you noticed this on her Twitter feed - swoon), a bottle of bubbles, a handwritten card. This kind of attention endears us to you immediately. The more you treat this like the beginning of a connection, the more your domme will as well. We are so often treated like fetish dispensers. If you are looking for a longer dynamic, you should approach it as such. Make some effort. She most definitely has. This is power exchange but it is also energy exchange, provide value and energy and you will receive it in return.
Leave time before and after your session
Rushing to a session right after work or before another obligation is not a great idea. You are more likely to be late and unable to transition into the headspace needed. Take the day off or be sure you have time to relax before needing to code-switch. This kind of play can be intense, you should prepare to be sleepy and a little wobbly after. Think of seeing a dominatrix like therapy or a deep tissue massage, make space in your day for it. Your domme will provide some aftercare and check-ins, but you also have to take care of yourself and ensure you are not rushing.
Understand and prepare for sub drop
After a year of this intensity and the limits we’ve all had on physical touch, we need to be hyper-aware of the after-effects of a BDSM session. Both parties might be feeling sub drop and top drop more intensely than prior to all this. Check-in after session, that evening or the day after. Make a self-care plan in case you’ll need it. I ask all my submissives to send me an email after the session so that I know they are ok and also, for me! I want to hear them speak well of the session so that I don’t spiral out into top drop, ie: “Was that a good experience? Are they okay?“ For folks that I have seen frequently and for years, this kind of check-in is built into our dynamic. You also have to realize that for professional sessions, aftercare is limited by time constraints, so you do have to be prepared to do some of this yourself and reach out if you need more support. Your domme may or may not be able to provide that support depending on her own constraints.
This blogpost is part of the
FemDom Society Bloghop!
We are a group of FemDoms and ThemDoms who write, led by my beautiful business partner Princessa Natasha Strange. Every few months we will have a group theme to inspire our blogs…